It all started when we were out to dinner with our married couple friends. And by "we," I mean myself and my boyfriend. They were explaining to us that they had decided to do something called "Healthy January." Yes, one of those New Year's Resolution things where they had decided not to eat refined sugar or white flour for the duration of the first month of the year. Except, of course, during special occasions when they allowed themselves to cheat such as this particular evening when we were all devouring sticky rice at a lovely little Thai restaurant.
"So you can still eat fruit?" I asked.
"Yep," my married friend confirmed.
"So if you were to get a sugar craving, you could eat frozen green grapes. Those taste like candy," I offered. Yes. I was possibly considering this for myself.
In order for you to understand just how enormous it is for me to consider such a thing as, say, cutting out refined sugar and white flour from my diet, let me paint you a little picture.
My ideal homemade meal goes a little something like this:
- Grilled Cheese: 4 slices of mozzarella and 2 of cheddar melted between 2 slices of buttered sourdough bread
- Side of barbecue chips (preferably these kettle-cooked kind that for some reason my local grocery store has decided to stop carrying)
- 20 oz bottle of Mountain Dew
Ah, yes. Mountain Dew. The Redneck Latte. Also referred to by a former coworker as "Frog Pee." It's got the most sugar out of all the soda staples (Dr. Pepper, Coke, Sprite). I know this because when I was around 11 years old, I checked. And then it proceeded to be my beverage of choice.
I'm not as bad as I used to be. There was a time when it was a daily occurrence to see me with a Mountain Dew in one hand and a bag of M&M's in the other. Unless it was time for lunch or dinner, and in that case replace the M&M's with a bag from Arby's, Wendy's or Taco Bell. But I've come a long way in the last year or so. Because just the thought of having a meal from one of those places makes my stomach turn. Except for Wendy's french fries dipped in a chocolate Frosty. (If the thought of this combination makes you shiver in disgust, you simply haven't tried it.)
And I don't drink Mountain Dew everyday anymore, either. This is actually pretty huge. And I didn't do it on purpose. It's because I got one of those "job" jobs that requires me to be up before noon everyday, so I started drinking coffee in the morning. With creamer, of course. And lo and behold, one day I realized it'd been weeks since I'd had a Mountain Dew. Whatdyaknow. Miracles do happen.
So now, as I'm listening to Erin and Aaron talk about the details of cutting out refined sugar and white flour from their diet for a whole month, I'm thinking, I can do this. A year ago I would have thought they were nuts. Just another couple that was jumping on this crazy fad dieting bandwagon. But after being tired and sluggish for I don't know how long, no matter how much sleep I get (and I could sleep FOREVER if given the opportunity), I'm considering this healthy eating thing. And I'm gonna do it for the month of February. Because I am a gifted procrastinator, so starting a New Year's Resolution Thing in the second month seems like just my style. And it's the shortest month of the year. That's not so bad. So I tell my boyfriend, who is on board to do it with me, and at this point we've got a couple of weeks to enjoy our sugary and refined floury friends. I'm almost feeling excited about it.
That is until I receive the following email from said boyfriend.
okay, here are "the rules."
no flour except whole-grain whole-wheat flour
no refined sugar except fruit
no cow milk (unless it comes directly from the teat...)
at least 50 oz water/day
30 minutes exercise/day
The 50 ounces of water a day I can definitely get on board with because I've been meaning to do this for awhile now. And since I've had kidney stones 3 times now, it's probably imperative that I drink a lot of water. (For information on how in the hell a 25 year old has already had kidney stones 3 times, please refer to the above paragraph on Mountain Dew.) And the 30 minutes of exercise everyday is, again, something I've been meaning to do. It'll be tough, but I think I can do it. (Running to catch the elevator counts, right?) But it's the third item down that really has my eyes widening.
no cow milk
Wait a minute, wait a minute, WHAT?????!!!!! No cow milk? Meaning that whole plan I had of putting milk in my coffee instead of creamer is shot to hell, no BUTTER, and, it pains me to even write it, no CHEESE????!!!!!!! I know there's all that stuff out there about how our bodies aren't meant to digest cow's milk and it's really bad for you and all that, and to be honest, it was something I was considering giving up at some point. But far, far, FAR down the line. No cheese? Really?
I'm so worked up that I'm actually considering writing a ranting email in response. Yes, that'll do it. Write a cruel and scathing letter full of curse words asking this guy exactly who does he think he is? Asking me to give up cheese. Ludicrous. But then I realize I kinda really like this guy (okay, okay, LOVE) and that's probably not in my best interest. And after a few hours of thinking it over, I must have been high on creamer or some other dairy product with sugar in it because I wrote back:
Let's do it.
So now I've decided to blog about it for the following reasons:
1) Everyone I know has a blog, and I want one, too.
2) I just finished Julie and Julia the book, so of course I've been temporarily inspired that I too can pull myself out of this useless feeling of "What exactly AM I doing with my life?"
3) It will make this Healthy February thing solve all of my problems:
- spending too much money on eating at restaurants and ordering takeout
- not exercising and feeling tired all of the time
- eating like crap and feeling tired all of the time
- getting headaches from not drinking enough water
- feeling useless (see reason #2)
Or I could crash and burn and by February 2nd find myself covered in the remains of a giant grilled cheese sandwich, watching 5 episodes of Law and Order: SVU in a row.
But who's to say, maybe I'll actually successfully get through the 4 weeks sugar, wheat (and, sigh) dairy-free and come out the other side a healthier person. Why not?
