Okay. I'm seriously considering abandoning this thing. I'm somewhat miserable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, apparently sugar withdrawal can take a few weeks, but I don't think I can get through it. I can definitely get on board with the working out 30 minutes a day. (However, yesterday, on day 4, I failed to do my 30 minute workout. Instead of spiraling into a pit of self-loathing, I am trying to focus on doing better today.)
But this no sugar-no white flour-no cow's milk thing is kind of painful; I'm not gonna lie. All I can think about are the food fantasies I'm having of what I'm going to stuff my face with as soon as February is over. So how is that any kind of solution to my need to eat less junk and more veggies? How can I make this Healthy February a long term positive life change if I can't wait for it to be over?
Perhaps I'm just rationalizing. And maybe I can just cheat (again, rationalizing). I don't necessarily have to throw out the whole plan just because I eat a chicken salad sandwich on sourdough from my favorite takeout restaurant. (It's an actual restaurant, I'm just willing to bet I've ordered delivery from them more times than I've actually sat down in the place. Whenever I call and give the lady my address she says, "Oh, hi, how are ya?")
I have a huge problem with perfectionism. Which feeds into my laziness. If I can't do something perfectly, I might as well not do it at all. So I'm faced with an interesting test of character with this whole Healthy February Thing. It's a test of my willingness to do-what-I-said-I-was-gonna-do-and-not-just-what-I-want-to-do, that's for sure, but my perfectionism. It's also making me look at that. Yesterday was somewhat of a success in dealing with this perfectionist monster because even though I failed to work out (a.k.a. failed to be perfect), I did not throw out the whole Healthy February. Not yet anyway. And not writing on the blog for 2 days in a row didn't keep me from coming back today and ranting about my lack of sugar craziness.
Sigh. No matter what I eat today, I'll consider it a success if I do the 30 minute workout. (Rationalizing!)
New Food of the Day: Vegan Brownie
You see how I just can't stay away from the sweets? But even I, lover of sugar, indulger of chocolate, found this brownie to be quite yummy. (I will not divulge the brand name here because, well, this girl doesn't advertise for free.) Made with agave and dark cocoa powder it definitely satisfied my brownie craving.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Caution: Sugar Withdrawal May Cause Bitterness
Today when I found myself craving a cheeseburger with french fries dipped in Ranch dressing, washed down with a root beer and finished off with anything that involves chocolate, I decided that I have no idea why I am doing this. I felt myself getting angry, or what my friend Erin calls "hangry" (the anger that comes from being hungry), thinking, "I was fine! Who says I need to eat healthier? This is crap. I give up."
But then I decided that being the expert procrastinator that I am, maybe I could put off downing the cheeseburger until tomorrow. I don't need to worry about doing this for a month. Just worry about today. Live for the moment. I could get hit by a bus and today would be my last day anyway. But then I thought, if I'm gonna die today, I definitely want to have a cheeseburger before I go.
I digress. Trying to move into a more positive light, I did have somewhat of an epiphany today. At lunchtime I had again waited too long to eat so I got really hangry, craving everything from donuts to Taco Bell to chocolate root beer (which I've never had, but I'm sure it exists and is delicious). But when I did eat, I stuck to the guidelines and ate the following: scrambled eggs, avocado with lime and salt, turkey with goat cheese, and then I finished off the "guacamole" with some corn tortilla chips. (Yes, I realize this is quite a random and weird lunch, but I'm still figuring this thing out.) And because I stuck to the guidelines, I felt happily satiated. What I did not feel - and here's the epiphany - was like I'd just eaten a dairy cow bomb and now needed to go hibernate for 3 months. So there's my answer, I suppose. The reason I'm doing this is to feel better and have more energy. And to not develop diabetes by the time I'm 30.
New Food of the Day: Almond Butter
I never ever thought I would buy this stuff, much less eat it, but despite the fact that I had to stir in the oily goop (which, I have to admit, was kind of fun), it's actually pretty darn good.
But then I decided that being the expert procrastinator that I am, maybe I could put off downing the cheeseburger until tomorrow. I don't need to worry about doing this for a month. Just worry about today. Live for the moment. I could get hit by a bus and today would be my last day anyway. But then I thought, if I'm gonna die today, I definitely want to have a cheeseburger before I go.
I digress. Trying to move into a more positive light, I did have somewhat of an epiphany today. At lunchtime I had again waited too long to eat so I got really hangry, craving everything from donuts to Taco Bell to chocolate root beer (which I've never had, but I'm sure it exists and is delicious). But when I did eat, I stuck to the guidelines and ate the following: scrambled eggs, avocado with lime and salt, turkey with goat cheese, and then I finished off the "guacamole" with some corn tortilla chips. (Yes, I realize this is quite a random and weird lunch, but I'm still figuring this thing out.) And because I stuck to the guidelines, I felt happily satiated. What I did not feel - and here's the epiphany - was like I'd just eaten a dairy cow bomb and now needed to go hibernate for 3 months. So there's my answer, I suppose. The reason I'm doing this is to feel better and have more energy. And to not develop diabetes by the time I'm 30.
New Food of the Day: Almond Butter
I never ever thought I would buy this stuff, much less eat it, but despite the fact that I had to stir in the oily goop (which, I have to admit, was kind of fun), it's actually pretty darn good.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Day One: A Morning Run, Perhaps?
This is how I envisioned my first morning of Healthy February:
5:15 am - wake up
5:20 am - eat a banana
5:30 am - run for 30 minutes
6:00 am - make myself eggs (with olive oil, not butter) and eat them
6:20 am - shower and get ready for work
6:50 am - leave for work
7:25 am - calmly breeze into work with the contented feeling of knowing that I am perfect
This is how my morning actually went:
5:15 am - groan at alarm clock and reset it for 6:00 am while thinking "screw this running crap."
6:00 am - hit snooze bar
6:10 am - hit snooze bar
6:20 am - hit snooze bar
6:30 am - think about hitting snooze bar, but realize I only have 20 minutes left to get ready. Feel sorry for myself for 2 minutes before getting out of bed
7:00 am - leave for work and eat an apple and drink black coffee while driving
7:25 am - remember as I am climbing the escalator to work that they changed my schedule this week and I was actually supposed to be at work at 7:00
7:30 am - clock in and pretend like I still think I'm on time while secretly loathing myself
So this no sugar no white flour no cow milk thing isn't quite as easy as I'd hoped. And it turns out, I have no idea what I'm doing. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally for this big change; however, I failed to prepare my cupboards. I don't really cook. (Unless you consider boiling water and squeezing the cheese sauce out of the packet cooking.) So this afternoon when I went to the grocery store to try and scrounge up some lunch I left with turkey, eggs, 2 avocados, bananas, goat cheese (thanks, Cassie), and 4 ears of corn. Oh, and limes. Because apparently I'm planning to get through this month on guacamole and corn on the cob drizzled with lime juice. I heard once that's what those Weight Watchers people do instead of using butter.
But the day wasn't a total loss. I actually did end up running for 30 minutes, although it was at 3:45 in the afternoon instead of 5:30 in the morning. It was hanging over me all day. I dread working out like most people dread going to the dentist or, say, their loan shark when they don't have the money they owe them. I have this fear that it's gonna hurt. But then I did it, and 2 and a half miles later (yes, I only ran 2 and half miles in 30 minutes, just in case you didn't quite understand just how out of shape I am) I was left feeling great. Really, it's true what they say about those endorphins or whatever. I felt so good, in fact, that I had the thought that I'd actually like to do it again tomorrow. That is, until my alarm goes off.
5:15 am - wake up
5:20 am - eat a banana
5:30 am - run for 30 minutes
6:00 am - make myself eggs (with olive oil, not butter) and eat them
6:20 am - shower and get ready for work
6:50 am - leave for work
7:25 am - calmly breeze into work with the contented feeling of knowing that I am perfect
This is how my morning actually went:
5:15 am - groan at alarm clock and reset it for 6:00 am while thinking "screw this running crap."
6:00 am - hit snooze bar
6:10 am - hit snooze bar
6:20 am - hit snooze bar
6:30 am - think about hitting snooze bar, but realize I only have 20 minutes left to get ready. Feel sorry for myself for 2 minutes before getting out of bed
7:00 am - leave for work and eat an apple and drink black coffee while driving
7:25 am - remember as I am climbing the escalator to work that they changed my schedule this week and I was actually supposed to be at work at 7:00
7:30 am - clock in and pretend like I still think I'm on time while secretly loathing myself
So this no sugar no white flour no cow milk thing isn't quite as easy as I'd hoped. And it turns out, I have no idea what I'm doing. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally for this big change; however, I failed to prepare my cupboards. I don't really cook. (Unless you consider boiling water and squeezing the cheese sauce out of the packet cooking.) So this afternoon when I went to the grocery store to try and scrounge up some lunch I left with turkey, eggs, 2 avocados, bananas, goat cheese (thanks, Cassie), and 4 ears of corn. Oh, and limes. Because apparently I'm planning to get through this month on guacamole and corn on the cob drizzled with lime juice. I heard once that's what those Weight Watchers people do instead of using butter.
But the day wasn't a total loss. I actually did end up running for 30 minutes, although it was at 3:45 in the afternoon instead of 5:30 in the morning. It was hanging over me all day. I dread working out like most people dread going to the dentist or, say, their loan shark when they don't have the money they owe them. I have this fear that it's gonna hurt. But then I did it, and 2 and a half miles later (yes, I only ran 2 and half miles in 30 minutes, just in case you didn't quite understand just how out of shape I am) I was left feeling great. Really, it's true what they say about those endorphins or whatever. I felt so good, in fact, that I had the thought that I'd actually like to do it again tomorrow. That is, until my alarm goes off.
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